okay here's what i think, i like it. especially where your MC has to make her choice. i won't try to tell you that i haven't seen a father daughter relationship like that before. because it's a classic. i said classic, not cliche. the difference between classic and cliche is how many classic pieces make it into your story. classic is good, there are a few classics being utilized in my own NaNoFic.

That goes for Mary Sue-ness too. There are a few good tricks you can use to avoid creating one, first, there should be a major obstacle for this character to overcome, as in personal obstacle, as in one that makes her quest of sorts that much more difficult, she can overcome it or learn to work around it, but if she overcomes it she can't then have no flaws at all. flawed characters are always more appreciated than flawless ones. same goes for appearance, don't make her gorgeous, and don't, especially if anyone who knows you will read it, make her look like you. people will always relate better to a character who deals with issues that they deal with, self esteem is a big one with teenagers, but it's also getting rather over done. I think one of the reasons Harry Potter has taken the world by storm is because the author inserts the little wizard into a lot of contemporary issues that normal people deal with along with those messed up magical ones.

i'm sorry if i haven't made much sense. if you want to ask me anything or ask me to clarify i'm happy to help.