Kenza was sitting on a log in the middle of the forest, contemplating what her parents could possibly have meant when they told her she was banished “until she was ready to return,” when a lanky youth with red hair and freckles came riding up on a pig.
“A pig?” interrupted said lanky, red-haired, freckled youth. “Why a pig?”
Because you can’t afford a horse.
“Oh,” the youth replied, slightly disappointed. He dismounted from his trusty steed and approached Kenza. “Why, hello, fair maiden!” he greeted her. “I am Tarnell the Terrifying. How may I be of service to you?”
“Terrifying?” Kenza repeated. “What’s so terrifying about a dork riding a pig?”
“For your information, I happen to be a great and powerful warrior! I strike terror in the hearts of all who oppose me!” Tarnell unsheathed the sword at his hip and waved it around for dramatic effect, but only succeeded in dropping it on his foot. “Ow!”
“More like Tarnell the Terrible,” Kenza remarked.
“Why, thank you, milady!” replied Tarnell as he hopped around on his uninjured foot.
“That wasn’t a compliment,” said Kenza. “Anyway, unless you can somehow get me back my powers, which I seriously doubt, I’m going to have to very politely tell you to buzz off.”
“Such fire and spunk! I love that in a woman.” Tarnell grinned stupidly, causing Kenza to roll her eyes. “What are these powers you speak of, milady?”
“Okay, first of all, stop calling me ‘milady’. Secondly, I’m a goddess-- or at least I was, until about an hour ago.”
“Ooh!” Tarnell exclaimed. “I know who you are! Long have I admired your beauty, Kenza, Goddess of…um, what exactly are you goddess of?”
“Chocolate,” Kenza replied automatically.
“Chocolate?” Tarnell repeated. “Indeed? That’s a fine thing to be goddess of, if I do say so myself! I’m quite fond of chocolate!”
“Yeah? Well, I’m not very fond of idiots, so kindly do as I asked and buzz off.”
“Perhaps you could accompany me on my quest until you recover your powers!” Tarnell suggested eagerly, as if he hadn’t heard a word Kenza had said.
“Quest? What quest?”
“My quest to save the world from evil, of course! Fighting the wicked, protecting the innocent and all that jazz.”
“Um, no thanks. I don’t help mortals. I torment them for the sheer fun of it.”
“Oh, come now! Everyone loves a good adventure! Besides, how are you going to manage to torment anyone without your powers?”
Dammit, Kenza thought. He’s got a point. Maybe he’s not as dumb as he looks.
“All right,” she sighed. “Let’s go save the world.”
“Huzzah!” cried Tarnell. “Climb aboard my noble steed, mil-- Kenza, and away we shall go!”
Kenza eyed the pig for a moment and replied, “Uh, thanks, but I think I’d better walk.”
“Very well. Away, Ferdinand!”
“Ferdinand?” repeated the pig. “You named me Ferdinand?”
Yes, I did. And animals don’t talk in my story, so if you talk again, I’ll change your name to Bacon.
Ferdinand grunted in protest, but obediently began plodding off toward whatever adventure awaited him, Tarnell and Kenza. It would take them quite a while to reach it, seeing as how pigs weren’t the fastest of animals.
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timeasmymeasure
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Date: 2008-11-01 06:54 pm (UTC)“A pig?” interrupted said lanky, red-haired, freckled youth. “Why a pig?”
Because you can’t afford a horse.
“Oh,” the youth replied, slightly disappointed. He dismounted from his trusty steed and approached Kenza. “Why, hello, fair maiden!” he greeted her. “I am Tarnell the Terrifying. How may I be of service to you?”
“Terrifying?” Kenza repeated. “What’s so terrifying about a dork riding a pig?”
“For your information, I happen to be a great and powerful warrior! I strike terror in the hearts of all who oppose me!” Tarnell unsheathed the sword at his hip and waved it around for dramatic effect, but only succeeded in dropping it on his foot. “Ow!”
“More like Tarnell the Terrible,” Kenza remarked.
“Why, thank you, milady!” replied Tarnell as he hopped around on his uninjured foot.
“That wasn’t a compliment,” said Kenza. “Anyway, unless you can somehow get me back my powers, which I seriously doubt, I’m going to have to very politely tell you to buzz off.”
“Such fire and spunk! I love that in a woman.” Tarnell grinned stupidly, causing Kenza to roll her eyes. “What are these powers you speak of, milady?”
“Okay, first of all, stop calling me ‘milady’. Secondly, I’m a goddess-- or at least I was, until about an hour ago.”
“Ooh!” Tarnell exclaimed. “I know who you are! Long have I admired your beauty, Kenza, Goddess of…um, what exactly are you goddess of?”
“Chocolate,” Kenza replied automatically.
“Chocolate?” Tarnell repeated. “Indeed? That’s a fine thing to be goddess of, if I do say so myself! I’m quite fond of chocolate!”
“Yeah? Well, I’m not very fond of idiots, so kindly do as I asked and buzz off.”
“Perhaps you could accompany me on my quest until you recover your powers!” Tarnell suggested eagerly, as if he hadn’t heard a word Kenza had said.
“Quest? What quest?”
“My quest to save the world from evil, of course! Fighting the wicked, protecting the innocent and all that jazz.”
“Um, no thanks. I don’t help mortals. I torment them for the sheer fun of it.”
“Oh, come now! Everyone loves a good adventure! Besides, how are you going to manage to torment anyone without your powers?”
Dammit, Kenza thought. He’s got a point. Maybe he’s not as dumb as he looks.
“All right,” she sighed. “Let’s go save the world.”
“Huzzah!” cried Tarnell. “Climb aboard my noble steed, mil-- Kenza, and away we shall go!”
Kenza eyed the pig for a moment and replied, “Uh, thanks, but I think I’d better walk.”
“Very well. Away, Ferdinand!”
“Ferdinand?” repeated the pig. “You named me Ferdinand?”
Yes, I did. And animals don’t talk in my story, so if you talk again, I’ll change your name to Bacon.
Ferdinand grunted in protest, but obediently began plodding off toward whatever adventure awaited him, Tarnell and Kenza. It would take them quite a while to reach it, seeing as how pigs weren’t the fastest of animals.
~*~
I'm in love with Tarnell. And Ferdinand. :D