(I realize the editor is out on extended vacation for November, but I'm curious as to how to make this imagery more...erotic? It's not porn by any stretch, but as the first real glimpse of a woman the MC gets I'm trying to convey the impact it would have...make it more vivid...and while I see it in my head as vivid, I'm not sure the words are working.)
She appeared to be bathing, using casual languid motions to moisten a cloth in a basin at her feet and then draw it over her silhouetted form. Her back was to him. When she stood straight, her hands fumbled at the top of her head until her long hair fell free around her shoulders. Still humming, she picked up a brush and began to brush her hair. Kavan was mesmerized, trapped by the sight of her. He had never been so intimately aware of a woman’s curves before, the narrowness of her waist, the roundness of her small hips. With a swing of her head she turned sideways so that he could view the shape of her there as well, lush, not too thin, and inviting, from the curve of her calves up to the swell of her bosom. Propping her foot upon a crate, she bent again, picked up a larger cloth, and began to dry herself. With a strangled moan, his eyes unable to look away from the roundness of her breast, Kavan straightened, realizing what he was doing. Mortified, he turned and fled, not aware that the woman had turned to face the canvas wall as if aware of his presence at last.
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timeasmymeasure
any thoughts...?
Date: 2008-11-10 05:18 am (UTC)She appeared to be bathing, using casual languid motions to moisten a cloth in a basin at her feet and then draw it over her silhouetted form. Her back was to him. When she stood straight, her hands fumbled at the top of her head until her long hair fell free around her shoulders. Still humming, she picked up a brush and began to brush her hair. Kavan was mesmerized, trapped by the sight of her. He had never been so intimately aware of a woman’s curves before, the narrowness of her waist, the roundness of her small hips. With a swing of her head she turned sideways so that he could view the shape of her there as well, lush, not too thin, and inviting, from the curve of her calves up to the swell of her bosom. Propping her foot upon a crate, she bent again, picked up a larger cloth, and began to dry herself.
With a strangled moan, his eyes unable to look away from the roundness of her breast, Kavan straightened, realizing what he was doing. Mortified, he turned and fled, not aware that the woman had turned to face the canvas wall as if aware of his presence at last.